shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
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