The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
