Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
