he wants to bone in the snuggie
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
i now understand why vodka
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
