So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
