I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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