I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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