I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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