no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
