I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
the liver wants what the liver wants
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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