Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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