i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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