Swine flu. Run for my life!
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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