Kareoke will never be a sober sport
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
