i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
