I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
