this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
