I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
im drinking this country out of the recession.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
you had me at cake vodka
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
