she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
