He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
