In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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