I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
