Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
it wasn't lemon gatorade
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
