I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I think people are normalizing furries
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
