he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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