I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
