Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
