i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
