I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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