well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
