i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
