What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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