you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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