oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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