I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
it's like iHOP with fire
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
