Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm like, not good at living.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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