we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
