Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize