how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
