At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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