i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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