Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
