can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
