i think i have herpe
just one?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
