The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
