erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I can't put those talents on a resume
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
