I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
