so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
