He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
