Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
