its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
