I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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