it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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