I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize