wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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