you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
