I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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