Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
