So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
