my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
