My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
