Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
