bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
