mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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