I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
