He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
