Plan B is the new Plan A
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
