forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
