Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
