i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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